The fairy tale always seems to end when the hero and heroine get married. We just hear that they “lived happily ever after,” but no one tells you what that looks like. For most of us, the first few years of marriage are fantastic. You’re in that honeymoon phase and are blissfully in love and excited about your new life together. After you move out of that phase, the romance starts to fade. You get complacent, and you begin to take each other for granted. You don’t make as much of an effort with one another, and you focus more on practical things like paying the bills or tending to the kids instead of having long conversations about your hopes and dreams or having candle-lit dinners staring into each others eyes. If you don’t do something about that, your marriage will wither and die. You need to put the spark back in your relationship to make sure that it is a long and happy one. Here are a few things you can do to rekindle the romance:
Go On Regular Date Nights
Finding time for just each other is essential to the health of your marriage, but it can be difficult when you are juggling jobs, house keeping, kids, and more. You may not be able to hold hands and take a walk through the daisies every day, but you can schedule a regular date night.
Decide how often you want to go — once a week, twice a month, whatever works for you — and put it on the calendar. Commit to keeping these “appointments” and don’t put them off when other things come up. Don’t just go to dinner and a movie like you usually do. Come up with unique ideas to surprise your wife. Take her to a Broadway play or a symphony performance. Go see her favorite band (if you can). If you do go to dinner and a movie, choose an upscale restaurant with a romantic ambiance and pick a romantic movie that she’ll like. The key is to make your date night different and special.
Dress to Impress
One reason that the romance dies is that you aren’t trying to impress each other anymore. When you were dating, you probably took a long time to get dressed for your date, and you made sure to shower and smell nice. Now, you probably just change your shirt and call it good.
Try to impress your wife again. Buy some new clothes that complement your figure, and take care in putting together your outfit. Get a new haircut. Clean up your skin and remove any blemishes, such as by getting rid of moles using a mole removal product. Take care of yourself the way you would if you were trying to go on a date with her for the first time.
Listen to Her
A man who listens is sexy to a woman. In fact, some of the top complaints of women in unhappy marriages is that they feel like they are not being heard or understood by their husbands. Do you feel particularly loving or romantic toward a person you feel doesn’t understand you? Probably not.Practice your active listening skills and start using them with you wife. Show her that you are listening by responding to her grievances. For example, if she has long complained that you don’t clean up around the house, surprise her by doing little things like taking out the trash without being asked or running a load of laundry. You can also surprise her with little gifts, like a pair of earrings you once heard her admire. Your wife will be impressed by these gestures and you’ll notice a lot more loving energy between you.
Do the Unexpected
Romance is about the new and the exciting. You can’t make your relationship new again, but you can bring back a sense of the newness and the excitement it brings by doing the unexpected. Write your wife a poem or a love letter for no other reason than it’s Monday. Bring home takeout from an exciting new restaurant in town on a whim. Put your arms around your wife’s waist and twirl her through the kitchen after the dishes are done. The key is to do what feels right and fun for your relationship and to make sure that it is unexpected. When you run out of ideas, think about how you felt when you first fell in love with your wife and try to recapture that feeling. Inspiration will come.
Romance isn’t about wanting to tear each others clothes off all the time. It is about the joy of being together and building intimacy. You can rekindle that feeling at any time by making the same kind of effort you did when you first met.