Someone said that relationship is the kind of science. But even though relationship may not be science it is a demanding work and it always take two to do this: not one to love and one to allow to love but both to work on it. How to act when you feel it’s falling apart? Every relationship is like a ship. And if one day you feel that your ship is drowning it’s a right time to think out what exactly lead to your current condition and how to work this out. But first of all, you should think over your match – especially is it worth fighting for or not. If it is, you will have to act together and figure out where the problem is.
Figuring out the reasons
It is believed that the relationship may fall apart because of a miserable reason – certainly, it is not seen miserable when you think about it during the time when all is going out of rails, but you have to calculate when a slight problem became huge. Because everything is starting from smidgen.
-You can consider one big reason as a piece of a cake – it always appears when you ponder about it and it may be a root such as betrayal or changing in the development of interrelation.
-In some cases, there are a lot of reasons – a complete set of problems, for instance lack of bond or inability to spend time with each other or stress you both get at work.
-Becoming mismatched. If you have been together for quite a long time it’s probable that you and your beloved one turn into different people who haven’t anything in common anymore.
When you know the reason of the crash of your match you should decide what to do further. Sometimes – in the cases such as disinterest of one of the partners or mismatching – the best choice is to break up and let relationship fall apart. When you feel sure that you have a failed relationship you definitely should let it all go. But in these cases, it’s better to part amicably not to feel awkward talking to your ex after breakup.
Chose a right time to talk to your loved one
Bear in mind that it is difficult to find your love nowadays, but it is even more difficult to save healthy relationships from a break up.
That may be one of the most important part in relationship struggles. The time you pick for having a conversation should be that one when you’re alone with your partner and when nothing distracts you from each other. When you’re talking about relationship problem you always have to leave all the emotions aside. That will help you have a calm and rational dialogue.
Then comes a conversation in which you don’t have to talk all the time and you should not forget about the importance of listening. Interlocution have to be a discussion or a deliberation but not a debate full of aggression and scream. You should be patient and listen carefully to what your boyfriend/girlfriend is talking about then take a turn and give your arguments. Sometimes it’s necessary to ask some questions to show that you’re in and you have heard what was said before. The next part of conversation is summarizing and making conclusions.
Come up with a plan
While having a conversation work on plan together. Find out what you and your partner think about the problems in your relationship and make a list of reasons that lead to the current condition. It’s very important to have an open discussion and get clearly your points of view. You should know how to separate healthy relationship from unhealthy one.
-For example, a healthy match is that kind of relationship when you’re both respect each other and are independent people. It’s very helpful when you encourage your partner in what he/she is doing.
-An unhealthy one is based on pressure you sense of your loved one’s position.
When you understand what went wrong you would know where to move and how to fix a broken relationship with your partner.
Saving a relationship
When you both shared your thoughts and points of view and are willing to move forward you should decide what to do firstly. If you can hardly stand each other’s presence maybe you should take a break in relationship to ponder about what you want to do or where you want to be, to try something new – perhaps new occupation and fascinating hobby you’ve always wanted to try. But naturally everyone has a question how to get back together after a break up. It is believed that you feel opener and more prepared after being alone to start over so if both of you have a desire to try again it will pronouncedly be easier to make up after a break than after an argue. In some cases when you and your partner can’t go on by yourselves it’s better to call a professional help. A counselor may be that one who help you to find a solution.
-The first and the most important part in saving your relationship is being honest with each other. Being truthful is a kind of tenderness and by showing your tenderness and vulnerability you help your partner see how much you trust him or her and how much you want to work it all out. By the way, it’s important to use “I” statements that show your own opinion and mean that you don’t blame your loved one in all problems.
-Joint work with your partner. If you want to save your relationship you and your beloved one should treat each other as teammates in solving problems.
-Listen to your partner and discuss some solutions. When you find a common ground, you will know that every one of you want to go on. That’s a starting place.
-Find some decisions you both can put up with. This means that you and your partner accept the solutions you have found and both of you are ready to contribute to make it better. Naturally, in relationship you have to compromise so you know where exactly you can stand on your ground and where you should give a little.
-Spend more time together. That surely will help to the couples who think that they haven’t anything in common anymore. Try to know each other again and find out what new hobbies or new tastes your partner gets. And maybe you will be able to share it with him or her.
-Learn to forgive. Accumulating resentments lead to the state full of aggression and anger. When you love somebody, you have to be able to forgive his/her limitations, character traits or mistakes. You should learn from it and forget it. That will help you to start over.
-Set borders. If you want to predict and prevent some things to happen you should establish boundaries clearly. For instance, if one of you cheated another you have to talk about it and don’t allow this happen again.
-Love again. Sometimes when the couple has a lot of quarrels, they both forget how they felt about each other before. How they loved each other in the beginning. To save your match you should learn how to love your partner again. Think about why you gather. Find the most precious thing about your beloved one that has always smoothed you and make yourself fall in love.
-Make sure that both of you are ready to change. If firstly you want to protect yourself from hurt and sadness that means that you are not open to change. But if both of you are willing to grow and learn, your match may develop into something better.
-Focus on something good. Don’t be afraid of failure. Always be sure that everything will go right and that will definitely happen.
-Keep talking. Drawing on previous experience you always have to continue to talk to each other when something goes wrong. When you feel confused or abused, say it. When you feel warm or happy, say it. When you want to say something, but you are scared that it may sound awkward, don’t be and say it. Saying anything is better than silence. When you’re talking to your partner you are showing him or her that you are defenseless and you want your beloved one to be with you, to be next to you.
-Get closer. Not only in physical way which is very important, of course, but in an emotional one too. Be open to share your thoughts and desires, be ready to hold hands or hug anytime.
-Try something new together. Find out what you and your partner have in common and select a hobby which both of you will enjoy. Spending a lot of time together will produce a friendly attitude.
Whether should you try to save everything?
If you still love your partner. Love is a connection that will help you to go through all the difficulties.
-Stop if you are ready to. When you no longer feel love or need to force yourself to work on it, it’s ok to stop trying. It’s okay to let it all fall apart when you have no will to make it right. Then you can try to communicate with someone else, for example, on an online dating site: https://victoriyaclub.com/.
-Don’t try to save your match when relationship is abusing or toxic. If you feel controlled or manipulated don’t try to work, it out – in most of the cases you are not able to stop such a relationship. Don’t give all of you to your partner if him/her doesn’t give you anything instead. You will get more being free than in that kind of relationship.
Sometimes no matter how hard you try to save everything and work it all out, relationship may fall apart. If you are not sure what to say when someone breaks up with you it’s better to say nothing and accept it with dignity. You shouldn’t try to save your match if your partner doesn’t want to.
All the things considered it’s necessary to make sure that you and your loved one are on the one side and both have willing to move further together before starting saving relationship. If you are then you have to do anything you can to start over and go through all the problems and difficulties. Loving can heal so let yourself love and be loved.