Know your no-no’s
Disapproval radiates from your daughter’s eyes, you’ve made a faux pas. Unfortunately, her embarrassment affects her ability to communicate the details of your mistake, apart from a single gesture, rolling her eyes. You’ve tried to branch out and attempt something new, update your style, but somewhere along the way the train switched tracks. You have arrived at tragic try hard station. While your daughter is paralysed by the attitudes associated with being between the ages of 13 and 18, allow me to point you in the right direction.
Firstly, examine the number of buttons on your suit jacket. At this stage you shouldn’t be dealing with more than three, and the bottom button should be undone at all times. Traveling down to the belt, this (leather) accessory should be matching your shoes. Speaking of shoes, running shoes should never be worn out of context. Just no.
Hair
Clippers roar to life at the flick of a switch, a chainsaw ready to hack at the forest that is your hair. A glint of light catches your eye as the cool, sinister blade is repetitively sharpened in preparation for a follicle slicing ritual. Life will be different from now on. You might never move on from the girl who broke your achey breaky heart, but it’s time to move on from that Billy Ray Cyrus mullet.
Tufts of fluff fall to the floor and, like Michelangelo releasing David from a marble pillar, the serious barber with too many tattoos starts to reveal a new image of yourself, one you never could have imagined. In your mind’s eye, the more hair on your head, the more you resembled your youthful golden years. You were deceived.
Presumably by some kind of dark magic, your inner George Clooney has been unleashed, and you can’t help practicing a few crooner faces to use on your wife tonight. click here
Wardrobe
Walking through the sea of frenzied consumers, your vision is impaired by the harsh fluorescent lighting. Your sights lock onto the target, the man lounge, the only oasis in the maze of suffering. Something steals your attention, a promotional sign, its vibrant colors and bold font seducing you to purchase multiple items of low quality under the thin pretence of great value. Snap yourself out of the spell.
Before you purchase another cheap, hideous t-shirt, using functionality as the catalyst for justification of your purchase, answer me these. Are you still buying on-sale jeans that give you a mum butt? Do you resemble a suitcase in your suit jacket? Do you have a velcro wallet, a bum bag or wear sneakers with jeans? Contemplating yes to any of these questions, indicates your wardrobe needs a complete overhaul and you need to step away from the $5 shirts. Now is the time to invest in quality basics.
Considering your track record, it’s imperative you doll out the dosh for a personal shopper. They will help you find a tailored shirt, structured jacket, and slim fit pair of jeans, smart casual shoes and a new sense of style. One session with them and all the ladies will say you look pretty fly for a middle aged guy.
